Finding Home in Change!

I’m always amused by those old Malayalam movies where a character steps off a rattling bus into a sleepy village, and everyone he meets greets him warmly. Neighbors ask how he’s doing, even the shopkeepers pause to enquire about his life. He walks down the same familiar road he took as a child, leading to a house that has remained unchanged over the years a safe, constant place, his home.

I’ve always yearned for something like that. But my life has been quite the opposite, I’ve moved to a new place every decade, and the idea of one unchanging home has always felt out of reach. In my life, change has been the only constant.

Whenever we move to a new place, it feels like walking into a room full of strangers. You’re awkward, trying to find your place, and you have to introduce yourself and start building relationships from scratch. And without fail, there’s always that one question: “So, where are you from?”

Well… that’s where things get tricky. I was born in Munnar, Kerala, and that’s where I did my schooling. Later, I went to Tirunelveli in Tamil Nadu for my undergraduate studies, while my dad’s job took my family to Valparai. I did my post-graduation in Coimbatore, and after my dad’s retirement, my parents settled there. I worked in Ooty for two years before getting married and moving to Chennai. And just to make things even more confusing, my grandparents hail from the southern side of Tamil Nadu though my parents themselves were born and raised in Munnar.

See what I mean? Even I get a little lost trying to answer that question. So when people ask me where I’m from, I just smile because honestly, I’m still figuring that out myself.

Amidst all this moving and shifting, I’ve learned to embrace change. And yes, change often comes wrapped in fear. There were times I felt like an outlier, a little out of place in most of the places I called home. But over time, I’ve learned to carry that fear with me not as a weight, but as a part of the journey. And from that, I’ve built my life, one unfamiliar step at a time.

One thing is the constant geographical change, but the bigger challenge and perhaps the deeper one is the change in relationships and the roles we play in life. I’ve evolved from a carefree child to a fun-loving teenager, and then to a responsible adult, wife, and mother. With every passing year, my responsibilities shift, and I like to think I grow wiser (or at least that’s what my increasing gray hair seems to suggest).

And then there’s the bittersweet shift in our relationships. There was a time when we turned to our parents for counsel and comfort. But now, the roles are slowly reversing, they look to us for care and reassurance. It’s the quiet, inevitable cycle of life.

Even dreams change and that’s something I never really expected. I often call myself a jack of all trades because I truly believe I can do anything if I put my heart into it. From technology and literature to painting, crafts, sewing, and gardening I’ve dabbled in so many things.

But choosing to focus on my writing, something I never imagined would become so important to me, feels like a big, scary step. And yet, it’s a step worth taking. This change in my dream this shift toward something that both excites and terrifies me, has been one of the most fulfilling changes of all.

It’s scary watching your little boy grow up, inching closer to his teenage years knowing that one day, you’ll have to let him go. It’s terrifying seeing your little girl wave goodbye on her first day of school, taking those first steps into a world without you by her side.

And it’s not just them — we change too. Our skin changes, the color of our hair shifts, the way we dress evolves. Our perspectives on relationships and people transform. Our roles in life keep shifting, sometimes faster than we’re ready for.

But if there’s one thing we need to remember, it’s this: with every change, we evolve. And as we grow, our lens for seeing the world becomes clearer and wiser a little more understanding, a little more compassionate, and a lot more grateful.

I know I don’t have that scene from the old Malayalam movie I mentioned earlier that one unchanged home, that familiar village where everyone knows your name. But over the years, I’ve learned to let go of what I don’t have, to be grateful for what I do, and to embrace change as a path to becoming better every day. 

“Apparently, I’m aging like fine old wine — a little wiser, a little smoother, and definitely more priceless.”

with Love, reflection, and just a touch of gray hair :-)

Nancy Kavin.