Grace in the chaos of control!

Control!  Does this resonate with you? Honestly, control is something we all yearn for -control over marriage, parenting, relationships, work, and so much more. But the irony is, the tighter we grip, the more things tend to slip through our fingers.

I’m not a control freak by any means, but lately, I’ve realized how much we all crave this sense of control. I seriously get frustrated when my son chooses to play video games instead of tackling his never-ending homework over the weekend. I get so pissed off that I put my foot down and sternly remind him how important it is to stay on top of his schoolwork. But it’s exhausting to go through this every single week. He only seems to listen when I become that “dinosaur mom” , a version of myself I really hate to be.

So, I chose to let him be. I chose to let him make his own choices and face the consequences. But it’s not easy. Can you imagine how a bird teaches her baby to fly? She doesn’t catch the baby’s wings and force it to fly. She simply models flying and stays close, helping the baby bird learn to fly alongside her.

I know modeling isn’t as easy as it sounds. We are all on our own journey of healing and becoming better, and on top of that, we’re tasked with being role models for our kids. But one thing I’ve come to realize is that perfect parenting isn’t the goal. What truly matters is being real, loving, forgiving, and present.

When I first chose to let go and allow my son to face the consequences of his choices, it wasn’t easy. I worried if I was doing the right thing. But over time, I noticed him starting to plan his time better, even if it wasn’t perfect and that was enough - in him and in me and I found a surprising sense of peace in stepping back.

The same applies to marriage. We can’t put our spouse in a box and try to control who they are or how they respond. It’s so important to allow them the space to simply be while staying connected, not controlling.

There have been countless times when I tried hard to control what people think of me. I’ve gone the extra mile, made amends, and bent over backwards to change perceptions. But I finally realized I have no control over what others think of me. What I can control is my own actions and thoughts. So, I decided to let go of trying to control others and instead, take charge of how I respond.

Letting go of control isn’t a one-time decision but it’s a daily practice. Some days, I get it right. Other days, I stumble. But I’m learning that grace, both for myself and those I love, makes the journey lighter.Just like that mother bird, I’m learning to stay close, to guide not grip because real growth happens when we let people around us spread their wings and be themselves.

In a world where control often feels like the only way to stay afloat, perhaps the real strength lies in knowing when to let go. Control can offer structure and security, but it’s in loosening our grip that we allow space for growth, trust, and unexpected beauty. Maybe the real power is in choosing what truly matters and surrendering the rest. So, as you walk this tightrope between holding on and letting go, ask yourself - what are you ready to release today?

Choosing Grace over control

Yours truly,

Nancy kavin