“The Fever, the Fear, and the Calm”

For the past few weeks, my younger one has been falling ill on and off. Whenever she’s unwell, this strange fear grips my heart.

Fear — that she will be unwell for the next few days.

Fear — that she might have caught some big infection.

Fear — that I won’t be able to sleep well and will end up roaming around like a homeless person.


And I start to operate in that fear. I lose my rhythm and I’m just not present. It’s like someone pushed the pause button — everything around me turns blurry, and all I can think of is that my daughter is sick.

This fear grew so big that I couldn’t sleep, and I was roaming around like a zombie for days. Until one day, I had to put my foot down and say no to it. I sat myself down and had this talk:

Nancy, you’ve been through a lot, and this too shall pass. It’s just a fever. All you have to do is be with your daughter and take care of her. Give her the calm comfort she expects from you — not your fear.

And yes, I calmed down.

Operating in fear is never ideal in any situation. Fear is like a big wave in the ocean — it looks enormous and threatening from the shore, but when it finally reaches you, it’s just a gentle wave, enough to soak your feet.


Fear is meant to be a survival mechanism — something that alerts us to danger and prepares our body to respond. However, when fear becomes chronic or disproportionate, it stops protecting us and starts limiting us.

In psychology, fear is often maintained by distorted thinking — assumptions or beliefs that exaggerate the threat and underestimate our ability to cope.

For example:

If I fail once, I’ll never succeed.

If I speak up, people will reject me.

These automatic negative thoughts create avoidance behavior, which reinforces fear. The result? A cycle of self-limitation — we avoid challenges, miss opportunities, and end up confirming our own fears by not trying.

There are so many things I’m afraid of, but recently I’ve come up with a strategy to face them:

1. Name it – I’ve learned to identify the fear. Awareness breaks its unconscious hold.

2. Face it – Expose yourself to the fear; a little discomfort won’t do any harm.

3. Reframe it – Stop viewing fear as a signal of danger; instead, see it as a signal of importance — “This matters to me.”

4. Develop self-compassion – It’s okay to fail; at least you tried.

5. Seek meaning – Purpose can override fear. When something truly matters, courage follows.


Learning to face fear this way has brought a quiet shift within me. I still feel fear — I don’t think it ever truly disappears — but now, I don’t let it steer my life. When I name it, face it, and remind myself of what truly matters, I find calm in the middle of chaos. I’m learning that courage isn’t the absence of fear — as Princess Mia’s father quotes in his letter in The Princess Diaries — it’s choosing to move with love and purpose, even when fear walks beside me. There are so many things we knowingly or unknowingly pass onto our kids — let not fear be one of them.


“With a heart learning to be brave, and a hand always reaching for love,

Nancy Kavin

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
  “Where time stood still: Life in Munnar”      Times change as years pass by. From carefree childhood to full on responsible parenthood, life has just changed so much. I still remember the days in Munnar where I was born and brought up. Life was just so beautiful. There was no Internet, mobiles and some times there wasn’t even electricity, but life felt like a dream and I was content. I used to treasure every season of Munnar. Right from the bright sunny summer mornings with the aroma of fresh lush green tea around to the crazy rainy days freezing and dripping with water every where, I loved every inch of it.             Memories cascade through my heart, a flood too powerful to contain. Life used to be hard in the mountains but the joy and warmth it brought would overweigh the hardships and cold we faced. Days usually began early for us, we wake up early and get ready to school. By 7 we would be picked up by the school bus. T...
Read more

This Crazy Bus Ride We Call Life!

Image
Have you ever boarded a KSRTC bus in Kerala? Boxy and rattling, with windows so wide the wind rushes in like an old friend. I see myself climbing aboard with far too much luggage, somehow managing to grab the prized window seat. A scarf wrapped tight around my shoulders, I’m ready for the journey — a little nervous, a little excited, and wondering who will end up beside me. The engine roars to life, and as the bus finally starts rolling, I feel a wave of relief. Sometimes we find peace in our solitude. Outside, the scenery unfolds like a film reel. Coconut palms sway lazily, paddy fields shimmer in the sun, and glimpses of backwaters peek through the trees. The wind rushes in, carrying the scent of wet earth and roadside tea stalls. It feels like every bend of the road has a story to whisper. The ride is so soothing that I doze off like a baby. A sudden brake jolts me awake. We’re about to climb the lofty mountains, and I notice a new companion has joined me. We exchange a smile, a sim...
Read more

Unlearning Caste, One Home at a Time.

Image
I write this with a heavy heart. I usually steer clear of news about violence, it overwhelms me. But today, a story caught my eye. It was an honour killing, and what shook me was that it happened in my very own native Tirunelveli. He was killed for loving someone across caste lines. Just that — loving someone. Statistics say there were nearly 300 caste-based murders in Tamil Nadu alone between 2016 and 2020. And that’s just one state. Imagine the weight of a nationwide number. I was born and brought up in Munnar, a quiet hill town where cultures mingled easily. North Indians, Tamilians, native Keralites - we all coexisted, celebrated festivals together, played together, and ate from each other’s homes. Until I finished school, I was blissfully unaware of what caste even meant. I didn't know my own. That kind of innocence feels rare now. I did my undergraduate studies in a small village near Tirunelveli. Most of the students were from the southern districts, and though I was technic...
Read more