Where 'What If' Ends and Healing Begins!

Grieving the life I imagined and embracing the one I was given

New year.
New energy.
New possibilities.

2025 was good to me. And yet, December always arrives with a strange pressure.

As the year draws to a close, I begin questioning myself , How productive was I? Did I manage to tick all the boxes on my checklist?

Most times, the answers disappoint me. I end up beating myself up for everything I couldn’t do. And then January arrives —heavier, asking me to set new goals and chase a better version of myself.

Somewhere in all this self-judgment, I forget something important. My blog itself is a by-product of my New Year resolution of 2025. And that counts for something, doesn’t it?

Life, I’m learning, is a delicate balance between what if and what is.

"What is" — is who we are right now. This moment. This breath. This present.

"What if" — is the life we imagine we might have had, if not for certain choices we made… or choices we were forced to make.

I once read that when life takes a U-turn because of an unfortunate incident we didn’t deserve — abuse, an accident, loss, or sudden change ,it becomes very important to grieve it.

Not just the incident itself, but the life we thought we would live. The version of us we might have been. The dreams that quietly slipped away.

For a long time, I didn’t understand this. I believed strength meant surviving. Moving forward. Not looking back.

So I carried on ,functioning, showing up, doing what needed to be done, without realizing that a part of me was still mourning silently.

My healing journey began the day I allowed myself to grieve.

To grieve the child who learned too early to be strong.
To grieve the safety I never had.
To grieve the years spent believing I had to earn love and approval.

Grief didn’t weaken me.

It softened me.

It helped me understand why control felt safer than trust, why perfection felt like protection, and why I feared repeating the same patterns with my children.

As a chain breaker, I am learning that healing is not about pretending the past didn’t happen.

It is about acknowledging it with honesty, compassion, and courage,  so it no longer controls the present.

Because our what is will be merry and peaceful when we learn to make peace with our what if.

So if you are grieving the life you thought you would have, I want to encourage you —your what is is far more powerful than your what if ever feels.

You are a warrior.

And your scars — seen and unseen — do not diminish your beauty. They enhance it.

They speak of battles survived, strength discovered, and courage that chose to rise again.

Your story did not become weaker because of the pain you endured. It became deeper. Truer. More meaningful.

And maybe one day, you will look back and realize —the life you are living now isn’t the one you imagined…but it is the one that shaped you, healed you, and made you who you are.

From my heart, slightly overcooked but honest.

Nancy Kavin